blog 2: the revenge
so … what has Chris been doing? nothing. I found out they sell legal weed on 156th … called K2. I am just like … weed without THC? why? why would you do that? i haven’t tried it … could have yesterday … didn’t.
I have a lot of romantic energy that i have to learn to use on other things. I am not afraid of being alone. It hurts regardless. on the other hand I have reached a break through recently. I had a dream last night in which i saw the girl i “loved” in high school. She had a baby in this dream … i woke up just thinking … wow, i wonder what she would think of this. this is funny, she would probably think i dreamt about having sex with her. I never actually have ever dreamt about having sex with her. It has always struck me as abnormal. My dreams. Yesterday i realized the whole thing. I never dreamt about having sex with her because i wanted the real thing so badly. I wanted my first time with her to be my first time with her. I did not want a false dream memory of it. I was willing to restrict my mind and my happiness for what i thought of her. I did it all wrong. thought creates reality. If i had imagined it it would have more likely happened. I wanted so badly the world to hand it to me that i rejected what i could hand myself. childish. I have always wondered how it didn’t work out. I don’t care if any of you people ever understand. :) now i realize … the only failure is in what i was ready to believe. shame … but now i realize and onward i go. I hope my next relationship is either completely casual or incredibly fulfilling because all this in between bullshit does me no good. Chris out.
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when all i needed was the truth
We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Lives
also …
the reason people don’t like the truth is because the heroes the most glamorous element in the universe are not as glamorous as the movies we watch. you will never catch a hero in close up with good lighting as he highhandedly saves the world, seduces an attractive woman and comes out unscathed. More importantly that hero will never be you until Hollywood decides you’re good enough to wear their makeup. we have to wean ourselves off the show they give us. it’s worthless. A hero is fighter for true happiness and love. these things make him sound vulnerable … that is because he is … that is why he is a hero. understand now 1+1=2. there … so all these people you worship … almost every single one is a colossal waste of time. all of them. art is communication. It maybe beautiful but there are scientific properties as well. art can not be better or worse. so … an artistic hero is just someone who makes art. that’s as far as it goes. see? see how the glamor fades? now … i just told you all you had to do to be an artistic hero is start drawing, writing or painting or doing whatever you want and a lot of you just disagreed because it is too easy. This is what i deal with. either way … if it makes you feel better you have unlimited potential and it lies nowhere near your TV sets, movie theaters or pain killers. You don’t need anyone else to be yourself. good luck learning to live.
Photo reblogged from Victoria Rising with 13 notes
definitely not a UFO. obviously jewcraft
Source: victoriarising
decision
I have decided I am going to make tumblr my main blog. I used to write on Xanga.com and found it quite enjoyable so i hope that this will release similar tensions as i have something to say and would rather it be on the front page of a blog then hidden in the notes of facebook. If there is one emotion i could describe easily right now it is frustrated love. Romantic yet cruel. it seems to have some hold on me i do not know how to avoid. at the same time i reinforce it’s hold. I am not in opposition to love. only frustration. yet they two seem to come in pairs. frustration can come alone but love … every time i acknowledge any love for anyone or anything something stomps on it. I am not complaining. I am being honest. usually the thing that stomps on it is the thing i love itself. sometimes its me. mostly it is the fear most have of… well i’m not sure. I could say it is of love but … it is not love alone they fear. I can already see they fear completion. they fear that if they truly did everything they said they would … everything possible, if they were honest, the story would end. No more drama. No more feeling “young” and “cool” and “entertained”. I remember me and my friend Bryant in high school used to speak of a similar fear. I used to say that if i truly became too powerful that i was afraid what i would become. The parts of me i might loose as i grasp and hold what was rightfully mine. I am guilty of this fear … at least based on my past. things have changed now. My goals have changed. but that fear seems to permeate in everything. no one wants the answer. we want a question we can’t answer so it defines us. so we can be a mistake hopelessly waiting for someone else to save us. children. we have to grow up. I have to grow up. it isn’t worth it. It was almost worth it. It got me here. but what if is not the wrong question. in fact it is the very thing that has gotten me this far. so when i ask myself what if i had done this? what if i had just stood up. stopped caring that everyone said it made no sense. what if i was honest? it is not truly a harmful thing. it is painful but not harmful. those two are put together two often. there is pain in childbirth. pain in sex. pain in work. pain in play. pain in winning and losing. our goal should not be shielding ourselves from pain.
Photo reblogged from Because we only love the moon when the sky is dark with 568 notes
embrace the darkside!
Source: 9gag
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